Not Hungry, Just Hurting
The Signals I Was Taught to Silence
If you grew up in a home where survival came before self-expression, you may have learned to mute your needs before you ever knew how to name them.
There might’ve been a time when you didn’t believe your needs mattered at all.
Many of us were taught—quietly but powerfully—that our bodies’ cues weren’t trustworthy. That our needs were burdens. That safety came from shape-shifting, not self-trust.
We were praised for being “disciplined” with food or “toughing it out.” But what they didn’t see was:
We weren’t disciplined.
We were dissociated.
We were starving—literally and emotionally—and still ignoring it, because we thought that’s what strong looked like.
That belief got reinforced by trauma. By gaslighting. By applause for how well we could smile while suffering. For how we could anticipate others' needs and disappear just enough to be “good.”
We weren’t praised for listening to our bodies—we were praised for overriding them.
And let’s be real: society still cheers that on.
“No pain, no gain.”
“I’ll rest when I’m dead.”
“Beauty knows no pain.”
We’re taught to ignore our inner world and then rewarded for doing it well.
But the cost? It’s high.
We didn’t just lose touch with hunger—we lost touch with sadness. Joy. Fear. Need. We stopped recognizing our own limits. Our own truth.
And let’s be clear: that disconnection wasn’t a flaw.
It was a survival skill.
But survival isn’t the same as living.
This is where interoceptive awareness comes in.
It’s a fancy term for a powerful thing: noticing what’s going on inside.
Our heartbeat.
Our breath.
Our hunger.
Our grief.
Our longing.
It’s how we begin to come back home to ourselves—after being taught to leave.
One practice that supports this return is Trauma Sensitive Yoga (TSY). Not the kind with impossible poses or performative peace. The kind that says: You’re in charge. You can say no. You can just notice.
Dialogue with a Symptom
If you’ve been feeling off—emotionally, physically, or just numb—this tool can gently help us tune in.
Step-by-Step:
Sit quietly. Breathe deep. Let your body offer up a sensation, emotion, or symptom.
Imagine that symptom sitting across from you. Give it a voice.
Write a conversation in your journal. Ask questions like:
What are you trying to tell me?
Why are you here?
What do you need from me?
Write quickly and without judgment. Let it be honest. Let it be messy.
When you're done, read it back. What wisdom surprised you?
Reflection Questions
Where did we first learn that our body’s needs weren’t important?
What messages—spoken or unspoken—taught us to ignore our own discomfort?
When do we override our bodies, and why?
What might change if we started listening?
Affirmations for Reconnection
I deserve to feel safe in my own body.
My needs are valid, even if they were once denied.
It is not selfish to rest. It is sacred.
I can learn to trust the signals I once silenced.
Healing isn’t just about thinking differently—it’s about reclaiming the parts of us that were told to disappear.
With care and breath,
—Dr. Tanya Crabb
CTA: What song brings you back to your body when you’ve gone offline?
Drop it in the comments—I’m expanding my healing playlist for all of us.
About the Author
Dr. Tanya Crabb is a licensed clinical psychologist, Marine Corps veteran, and the founder of Soul Works: Counseling, Coaching & Consultation by Dr. Brooklyn Chick. She specializes in trauma recovery, identity development, and the quiet work of reconnecting to self and others. With a practice rooted in cultural awareness, mind-body healing, and real-talk strategies, Dr. Crabb helps clients rewrite the narratives shaped by early wounds and systemic messages. She is also the creator of the Grown Woman’s Guide journal series and a fierce advocate for joy, rest, and liberation as essential parts of healing.